There are times when you just take stock of your own life's happenings. It's debits & credits and the bottom line of your life's balance sheet. It appears totally out of balance, and I some times wish I could have done things differently. On one of those days when there is no one to share your inner feelings, you know where to express them. So here is a vague account of life's ironical imbalances.
I have a huge house, but a home is missing from my life
I have lots of conveniences, but very little happiness
I have a lot of income, but have no money
I have a world of experiences, but I lack judgement of human beings
I am highly educated, but have no knowledge of why is my life this way
I am capable of achieving the impossible, but cannot cope with normal chores
I solved many relationship issues for friends, but failed to resolve my own
I have won the highest oratory award, but have difficulty conversing with my spouse
I have made many a laugh & smile, but found only tears in my own eyes
My morals are impeccable, but my morale is very low
I have added many years to my life, but not life to my age
I have learnt to smile, but cannot hide the pain
I have an illusion of living, but I have no life.
Does any one else also feel this way at all or am I the lone ranger ...?
PS: This post was awarded Best Post Of The Day, on March 17. 2009 at Authorblog by David Mcmahon, Journalist and Internationally-published Photographer.
Many thanks David, for the honor..!!!
35 comments:
Very thought-provoking post. Now and then I feel like that; more so when I was a teenager and young mother. Now that I've reached a more comfortable age, I know that I should have been creating my own life rather than waiting for it to happen to me so I could react. Now, when I want to do something, I look for ways I CAN do it instead of reasons I can't, and when I want to go somewhere and can't, I look for somewhere I CAN go. I pretend I am a beam of light and look for places I can shine.
Thanks for visiting Pauline. Your comments have also provoked thoughts in my mind, and I am thinking a lot positively. I know it will be difficult to cut free but once that happens, I know I will go places and change everything in my life. thanks again.
Omigosh, this post could have been written by me.
I think we all go through stages where our lives feel very empty. I am feeling that way right now. That's why I enjoy blogging so much. We can connect with other people who are experiencing the same things we are.
I like Pauline's philosophy too.
Sometimes I feel a few of your examples. My life has not been how I hoped it would be, but we are all given one chance and it is up to us to make the best of it. I have found that if I am not happy with something in my life, I figure out why and devise a plan to get out of it. Sometimes it takes a little patience, but with persistence anything is possible. I wish you happiness!!!
You've given us a lot to think about .....
Jo
You are so right. When you connect with people you can relate to, life seems a lot brighter. I hope you feel the same. Thanks for visiting.
Arley,
".....with persistence anything is possible". yes, I believe that totally. But you need that much more perseverence if you have a multidimensional issue.
And yes you only have one life to live, it's a shame to waste it away. You are a brave girl, Arley. Keep it up, and you have inspired me to search for solutions..!
Thank you.
David,
Thanks for visiting and your kind support...!
Wow. This is a great strecth of thought. An interesting exercise in irony. Yes, I have known these thoughts at times.
Oh that is a wonderful post and many of us feel that way, particularly in the blogging world. Maybe you are a little depressed? Find things that make you happy, that really make you comfortable and confident in doing them. We are all here to help one another and you are so not alone. But if you found out you had a few months to live what would you do? Think about it, write it down and go do it. The other thing I find useful is to focus on someone else that needs help - it will also help you no end too. Take Care. Email me anytime. I have been through heaps and come out the other side a bit battered and bruised but in one piece.
Introspection, gosh I think we've all felt like this. Particularly I associate with the line about making a home. We bought a family home, but have yet to produce a family. It pains me so much, I spent a wonderful day with my godchildren on the weekend and was honoured to be chosen to give a really big carry to the youngest. So close to her and feeling like she could almost be mine was lovely and also made me melancholy, in the safety of being alone I cried all the way home. But I'm determined now that I can't spend much longer like this. I'm either going to have a child of my own or its the adoption list for me!
p.s. sorry you were asking for help... I'e found blogging to be wonderful for me. Having spent so many years not communicating my own problems - like you say about sorting out friends and not yourself - and also not really communicating with my husband. I have several prongs to the attack which I'm using to tackle my issues. 1. blogging anonymously (are you anonymous here? - this allows complete freedom of thought and honesty). 2. counselling, 3. writing poetry and stories (therefore able to aspects of my life and problems onto paper). 4. being brave with my friends and family - saying things which I wouldn't normally say.
A friend of mine advised me to try to find the joy in the small things. What you've listed are big parts of life. Try to think of something good which has happened to you every day, however small. Maybe post about it?
If this is true, I am sorry for you.
Life is great and living is good
Wishing you the balance you seek. (And congratulations on POTD) :-)
Hey, cheer up!
It is failure that is stepping stone to success. And if you have spotted them you are more than half way through.
All of us have these moments. Treat them as passing moments. :)
Almost forgot: CONGRATS on POTD from David!
I came here via POTD at authorblog and can see why you got his award. This from the heart honesty is very moving. Sometimes it is just enough to know that one must change one's life, the rest then follows naturally. It sounds like you have reached that crucial stage - go on, make your life better. You can, you know. I did.
Congrats on POTD! Well deserved, wonderfully written and so insightful. Have felt parts of it at times - it does seem to pass, living takes back over or the simple pleasures in life are uncovered and you rise again!
I came over from David's as well. This was so beautifully written. I think we would all be better, happier people if we could do an inventory of our lives like this.
What a fascinating post. Your words have incredibly thought-provoking (don't want to sound like Pauline here) but really, they are.
Life is so very testing at times but in order to get to the good, we have to get through the bad.
Best wishes,
CJ xx
Found you by way of David's. Congratulations for that!
I have days, but days only. I'm lucky so far. Been there, though and I'm sure I will be again. It's a wake up call, I think, to seek that which needs to be sought. Adventure on!
I came here via authorblog: I see why you got his trophy. Your thoughts are moving and sincere. I've been there where you are now, Introspect. The only advice I can give is dream on, that way your life will become automatically better. It worked for me!
Came via David...congrats on post of the day...as to your question, I often wonder how I have become so content with my life, though I worked hard to be in the place I am now I realize it can't all be luck...I wish you had the joy you are searching for, keep looking...it's probably just around the next bend
Sandi
Came from Authorblog. Excellently written post this is.
I hope you find some answers. I can only imagine feeling like that all the time and hope you do not have to for the rest of your longer life.
I feel sad that you feel so bad.
I am so fortunate to be surrounded by a loving family and to have had a purpose in life for as long as I can remember.
I hope you find what your looking for.
You are Dr. John's link of the day.
Yes, I feel this way often but I'm always glad when I feel a zest for life. Joy is in the little things, a beautiful sunrise, a flower, a kindness given or received, a good laugh, or a smile.
and a comment. May God Bless you with some little things.
I totally get the smiles that sit on the surface of a different reality.
Congratulations on POTD. Came over from David. Your post was very powerfull and beautifully written. I will return if I may.
Yes , I could say the same thing, that this could have very well be written by me. (except the big house bit :) )
And how does this happen? And why?
But if we did know all the answers we wouldnt be in the place we are in right..
Wow! Very inciteful post. Lots of food for thought. I find that the more I write my feelings down, the easier it is for me to address them head-on. That's the first step. Good luck with 'fixing' them!!
Congrats on your POTD award!!
Congratulations on POTD over at David's place!
Yes, I think we all feel this way sometimes, particularly the one where we make a good income but have no money. It's a strange paradox, but that's what keeps like mysterious. Somehow we prevail...D
Dear I know for a fact you aren't the "lone ranger". I truly loved this blog because it sums up exactly how I've been feeling the last few days.
This is incredibly well written- definitely deserves to be mentioned in POTD.
Look forward to seeing more of your work.
E
Hello and thanks every one for reading and commenting on my post. Special thanks to David for conferring POTD to Ironies Of Fate.
The Things We Carried:
Thanks for passing by. I hope these thoughts don't come too often. Would'nt wish them for any one.
Lilly:
You are absolutely right - I am not alone here. Discovered the wonderful world of friends, who share and care about each other. your kind words brought me much needed comfort, specially after I read your post 'What are we waiting for?' my thinking changed a lot. I do want to live my life and start putting things in the right perspective. It also helped focussing on some one else's need....thank you Lilly. Will be in touch.
Pinkerbell:
I love your comments, and I pray that you have a family of your own verry soon.aamen. It's great that you were chosen to give gifts to your godchildren. Children can change your life completely. I have two adorable daughters. They have a great life of their own, and my pleasure is complete whenever I vist them or they visit me.
Yes, blogging has certainly helped me. I have made many caring friends, and it has given me strength to express myself.
I have made notes of your suggestions, and will be busy working on them very soon. I already feel things are going to be a lot better.
Thanks again.
ArneA:
Thanks for your comments. I do hope you never feel the way I do, and pray that you find life great and living always always wonderful.
Thanks Jennifer: I love your posts, and I am your fan.
Indrani :
Many thanks to you. Your full moon photos are awsome.
yes, once you acknowledge the problem, solutions are most likely to evolve. Thanks for your encouraging words.
I am honored with POTD and truly feel I have arrived in august company.
Hello and many thanks every one for reading and commenting on my post. Special thanks to David for conferring POTD to Ironies Of Fate.
French Fancy...
Thanks for coming. Yes, the post was from the depths of my heart, and it's the first time I expressed it openly. In fact I felt relief as soon I posted it. The support I received from you and others via blogging helped clear my thinking to a great deal. your words were just wonderful. Brief, Direct. And Posive. Thank you.
lmerie...
Many thanks for visiting and commenting positively. At a time such as this, supporting friends can mean so much. And to know that many of you had similar thoughts at some point in your lives, but that you have come out of it, has given me new hope and dreams.
It has helped me to look at small pleasures from day to life.
Debbie...
Thanks for coming over. I definitely hope some thing good comes of this inventory and introspection, in making us a happier lot.
Actonbell...
Your words have balm like effect on a hurt. Thanks a ton for making me smile...!
Crystal Jigsaw...
Many thanks for your beautiful words & good wishes. Yes, so aptly said '...life is so testing at times...and in order to get to the good you have to go through the bad..'
Now the thought that since the bad is here the good is round the corner, is enough to change things.
Thanks.
Woman in a Window...
I have been reading your posts regularly. They are poetic and sensitive.
Thanks for coming over, and I am glad your downs are limited to just days. Do not ignore them, as they are progressive in nature specially if you dont seek cure/prevention/solution. But dont panic..! it could be a false alarm hopefully.
Good luck.
Lola ...
Thanks for coming over and for your kind thoughts. I am sure if dreaming and hoping worked for you it will work for me too. I hope every tomoro is a better day...!
Hi Sandi ...
Thank you so much for your words. I am happy that you have been content with your life after all the hard work. I am sure it was not just good luck. Thanks for your good wishes, Sandie. Being content is in itself a virtue not many can muster.
I would be happy if only bad luck would leave me alone. I have worked very hard and I am prepared to work harder.
Hopefully joy is just round the corner, like you said.
Dr.John ...
I am so glad that you are surrounded by a loving family, touch wood. I have been to your posts. You are a wonderful person yourself Dr John, and you deserve all the love your family can give you. Thank you for your good wishes for me. I am delighted to know you.
Hi, I'm over from Authorblog. This is a well written and powerful post. Thank you for sharing.
It is a very nice post and yes sometimes I think of all these things you have mentioned in your post and find ways to make things possible. One thing to remember is that there are always oppurtunities waiting for us to get hold on. So let us just forget what couldn't be done and focus on what can be done.
My philosophy of life is " Life is shorter, live it in every way" or in your words " Add life to your age rather than years to your life".
Thanks for dropping by and see you around.
Sampoorna.
seemed to have found your blog on accident but surely when I needed it the most. You letter to Adam is exactly the issue I am struggling with myself currently in my own marriage. In this post you wrote I have an illusion of living but I have no life... I feel like you stole the thought out of my head. It is good to know that I am not alone, but sad to know that someone else has to go through this pain as well. Thank you for being right where you are & for writing those words.
Great post. Very well written. Well done you for getting POTD!Thank you for popping over to mine. Wishing you well in all your endeavours. Hadriana.
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